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THE OH MY GOD FARCE!

 

By Mia Nikasimo| With thanks to Blacklooks

 

Saturday, February 11, 2012.

 

The house in the middle of our street is open again…
Why are the windows so wide open? Been round back?
Why? What’s happened round back? Tell what, Gems?
We were hanging out on our veranda trying to see trying
What were you trying to see? Happened round back?
What? What happened? Laughter, suspense, alright!
One moment nobody would move in; the next. No blinds.
Just like that. We met eye to eye. Three of us and it…
We don’t know what, did we, Guys? A glimpse was all.
That was the last “in-sight” we got. What’s happening?
Does anyone know who moved in? Who lives below?
This is killing me. Fuck that. Who moved in that house
That’s not the question to ask. How long do they have?
What? Why? Do you know something? What, why? How?
Stop fucking about! If you know something, share with us
You know us. We’ve lived here longest? How long? Share.
I know the guy in the flat below, init? He told me five.
Five raving loonies: one’s a lesbian, one’s a gay, one bi, on
Go on, go on go on. Two are trans and ones intersex see.
When we went back there to get a closer look; it was blocked off!
The windows round back were blocked up. Doubled up on
Doubled up on net curtains, cutting our view off; hiding?
What? Hiding? What goes on in there? You or you, whom?
I’m the originator of our inquiries so it’ll have to be yous!
Oh my hog oh my God oh my gawd oh my, oh my GOD
Decide? Who’s going in there? Who among you lot, whom?

 

2

The house in the middle of our street is open again…
Oh my Dog oh my hog oh my God our neighbourhood
Our neighbourhood is going to the dogs under our noses
My friend in the flat below knows one of them. Does he?
Does he? What? What are you waiting for? A name praise
All your own? Tailor made just for your whimsical mien?
Out with it or you are on your own, traitor! Out with it.
Oh my oh my God; oh my oh my God who let the freaks in?
Apparently lives in there Ambiguity too and a Lovable one
Gays are like that; lovable darlings and this one could pass
Could pass for a woman? That’s alright isn’t it? Stay away
From my hubby is all. I’ll kill you with my own hands if you
(Action: a sigh) just stay away from him and we’d get on fine.
He already looks at you with a smile I saw ages back before
I slapped him for looking at you like that. He stop giving.
Oh well you can’t live with them you can’t dream without
Just stay away from Jim mincing and brow flirting. I know
But that’s in the past now. I’ll even forget what I heard.
What? What did you hear? We were only playing; honest?
As long as it doesn’t happen, again! What’s with the woman?
She’s so buff and all? Why she don’t speak to no one why?
It’s only I’m happily married but one look at her and I…
My legs, they buckled right from underneath me, didn’t they?
He’s a man that thinks he’s a woman or something I heard
Oh my hog oh my God oh my gawd oh my, oh my GOD
Decide? Who’s going in there? Who among you lot, whom?

 

3

The house in the middle of our street is open again…
Oh my God oh my flipping Gawd did you just say? What?
Never mind, whatever I fancy her. Can you? Say somink?
Tell me you are joking. It’s a transwoman. I’ve seen better!
Not like her heft? Just taking about her made me wet
What if your hubby finds out? I’ll deny it. Don’t go there
Oh my oh my Gawd. See you later babes. Got to, got to go.
Oh my gosh. Away she goes like a bitch on heat. Gosh!
If only she knows its already shacked up with Mumsy.
Diva of Divas. “I don’t know what she sees in him myself”
I didn’t even get a chance. “I swear we saw him that day”
I’m going to have that woman, she; out of no where; I???
It’s like she’s stolen the words off my tongue she was fast
Mama de mama, Mumsy or for the wet behind the ear
Mummy mummy mummy and o so camp about it & I
I thought I was camp I thought until I met her, him the
Queen -mumsy’s best friend. And what a gorgeous arse
I beg your pardons I meant fit. He’s the fittest queen ever
Any who any who any who get this right he does do trannies!
Either… Oh my, oh my fucking, sexy Gawd oh my oh my…
I’ve got to too. Wait until I tell Miss Hermaphrodititis just
Just then the intersex, Pammy in her full glory in train.
No no no I’m not bisexual oh hell no I’m a boy I’m a girl
Both married in a unity of one me. Eat your heart out.
Oh my hog oh my God oh my gawd oh my, oh my GOD
Decide? Who’s going in there? Who among you lot, whom?

 

4

The house in the middle of out street is open again…
Pete here’s my chief of security and Dean and Jerry Divas
Mincing, mincing, mincing see how they go femme trans
Foot soldiers with 9 dan black belts a piece so watch it.
My train of butch and femme ladies, gentlemen; hands off!
Let the party take control. Keep those arses humping o
O is that the time? Snap, snap! Cars. Three black benzs &
Away away away they went leaving questions in trail
Oh my oh my oh my gawd oh my gawd oh my gawd oh my
Fuck your arse fuck your pussy imagine that in public?
That’s typical Mumsy. I go to work alway and you cosh in.
Just sitting there couch potato with a notebook & a pen
Get off your arse, get off your arse, get a fucking job, contribute!
You are a disgrace. Where do you come from where? 
I’m not prepared to cater for you & the many mouths back home
The many mouths back home in Africa. I can’t do it I can’t
Oh my oh my God oh my oh my gawd oh my oh my gawd.
At the end of her tether the transwoman says her Om mani
Padme hom Om mani padme hum Om mani padme hum
What are you saying? What are you saying? No repeat it…
Nothing? You always saying nothing nothing nothing here’s
Something for your jobless arse, get a job or something? Fee!
My fee for putting up with you trans-whatever you are?
Get over yourself you fucking ignorant bitch, arrogant bitch!
Oh my hog oh my God oh my gawd oh my, oh my GOD
Decide? Who’s going in there? Who among you lot, whom?

 

5

The house in the middle of our street is open again…
I live in that house. What is it to you? You are the bi one
I live in that house. What is my sexuality to you, nosy?
The house in the middle of the street always takes freaks
The house in the middle of the street, the house, our house
The house in the middle of the street where all evils abide
Oh my, oh my God oh my, oh my God oh by Gawd, oh my?
Report, report, report! Oh my god, oh my God I wont rest
I won’t rest until the entire world knows he’s not a woman
I won’t, I won’t, I can’t if I tried; my religion won’t let me!
Oh my God oh my god oh my God and the farce went on
The farce went on. Every ones’ happy doing God’s work
Judging judging judging sitting in judgement over each other
Claiming authority in the authority of doing God’s bidding
Praying self-righteously, “God heavenly so and so I’m doing
Your bidding father save your own save your own I’m doing
I’M DOING YOUR BIDDING FATHER I’M DOING YUR
The house in the middle of our street is open again…
I live in that house. What is it to you that we are creating space
For queers of all convictions, and GQ, what is it to you, nosy?
The house in the middle of the street always takes freaks
The house in the middle of the street the house the house
The house in the middle of the street where all evils abide
Oh my, oh my God oh my, oh my God oh by Gawd, oh my?
Oh my hog oh my God oh my gawd oh my, oh my GOD
Decide? Who’s going in there? Who among you lot, whom?

 

(c) Mia Nikasimo

 

Mia Nikasimo is a writer at The Sphinx Publishers

 

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