CONSEQUENCES OF PREVIOUS SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS
By Veronica Williams
Thursday, December 20, 2012.
years ago when I had my first sexual encounter with my then boyfriend I
thought this is it, this is the man who has courted and won me. We
were engaged and marriage should have followed. Unfortunately the
relationship ended because of his infidelity. As a consequence of this I
have dated and had another sexual encounter.
The question which I am
posing is whether I should share the fact that I had had more than one
sexual partner with the next person with whom I choose to have a
relationship with or should it remain a well-guarded secret? Do you
think it’s important to know about another person’s sexual history?
answer to these two questions I believe that it’s important to
communicate honestly with a current or prospective partner about each
other’s previous sexual relationships. In contemporary society one’s
sexual health is something which cannot be taken lightly or left to
chance. There are various diseases which can be contracted through
sexual contact, arguably the most lethal being to contract HIV or the
AIDS virus. Knowing or being kept informed about previous partners and
their ‘status’ is vital if one wishes to ensure that you are sexually
healthy. Additionally practising safe sex, that is to ensure your
sexual partner wears a condom or you wear the female condom will ensure
some protection from sexually transmitted diseases.
So what’s your number?
number of sexual partners that someone has is entirely their own
business. By this I mean that you should not judge someone based on who
they may or may not have had sex with. In addition any discussion
about previous sexual partners is a private matter between the parties
concerned and not a debate which should ever take place in the public
In today’s contemporary society women are just as likely as men to have
had more than one sexual partner. However its arguable that men who
have numerous sexual partners are perceived in the same way as women who
have numerous sexual partners. This comment can be borne out to some
extent by the television show Sex in the City where
we are presented with female characters and their sexual lives. One of
the protagonists is presented as a nymphomaniac whose sexual appetite
seems difficult to satisfy. This particular type of behaviour is
frowned upon, and she is gradually brought back into line to be less
radical in her sexual behaviour.
this article I have indicated that communicating with your partner
about previous sexual relationships is important for a variety of
reasons, one of which is to ensure your own sexual health, but also to
ensure that you have some understanding of what has taken place in your
partner’s life. Given that this is the case is it a good thing to
discuss your sexual history on a first, second or third date or should
you see how things go prior to bringing up the topic.
I would suggest
that when or if the topic arises we need to take various factors into
consideration. Some of the factors are evident just in terms of taking
into account your physical environment, the sensitivity of the person
you are communicating with and how much information is disseminated.
The way in which the topic was approached would also vary from
relationship to relationship.
consideration is what are the possible outcomes - and by this I mean if
you reveal everything about yourself, leaving yourself somewhat
vulnerable, might the other person find this overwhelming, and decide to
end the relationship.
Where should the discussion take place and how
in-depth should the discussion be? For instance when you’ve been dating
for about three months and decide to have a sexual encounter with that
person, would this be a good time to discuss previous sexual partners or
is it something which you should have discussed earlier in your
relationship, perhaps on a second date? Each person and relationship
needs to be approached differently and you should judge accordingly.
in talking about your previous sexual partners would you include the
subject of masturbation, STD’s, HIV or AIDS with this new partner or do
you think it’s a private matter? I personally believe that certain
information should be shared if you are sexually involved with another
person, even if you are practising safe sex. Essentially I am arguing
that if you have a sexually transmitted disease this should be discussed
prior to having sex so that everyone is able to make an informed
choice. You may not choose to mention that you and a previous partner
had sex swinging from the chandelier but you should ensure that they
are able to make informed choices. I also believe that if you have had
a negative sexual experience, for example been assaulted or possibly
raped this should be mentioned early on in the relationship.
I believe you should be friends with someone before having a sexual
relationship, when you may feel comfortable to share certain sexual
information. Be careful though not every single piece of information
should be discussed, this may also add to a sense of mystery about you.
In communicating with each other prior to becoming ‘involved’ it means
everyone is fully informed and able to choose wisely.
Williams is a graduate in English Literature and has a Masters Degree
in Cultural Studies. She has taken early retirement from teaching and
recently completed writing and publishing her autobiography entitled The Mind of the Individual.
Veronica moved from the UK in 2010 and now lives in the Caribbean,
where she is actively involved in writing articles for a variety of
magazines. Additionally she writes educational resource materials. She can be reached at email@example.com