By Mary Shorun
Tuesday, May 26, 2015.
I have been away from Nigeria for close to seven years now, but I still watch and read everything Nigerian, especially blogs. One of these blogs recently published an article written by a self-proclaimed celebrity. His article addressed several ways Nigerian women can please Nigerian men.
My first issue with the article is the word “please.” So I will address my displeasure now while also assuming that this writer has noble intents. Is something wrong with the Nigerian man? Why does he need to be pleased, satisfied, pleasured, without reciprocating these gestures?
The aim of my article is not attack. However, I have also decided to highlight a few ways to “please” a Nigerian woman:
1. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate with me: When was the last time you, Nigerian man, took some time off just to talk to me? Why is this still an issue in 2015? Women are stay at home moms, jugglers (of work, raising kids, being a home keeper), yet some of these women are not even “capable” of addressing their partners by first names. How do you sit “Baba Sunday” or “Brother Stephen” down to have a talk with him? Nigerian man returns home from work at night, gets dressed, and scurries out like a rabbit to hang with his guys.
2. Ask me questions and listen: How about asking me how my day went? Don’t you want to know how to satisfy me more, sexually and emotionally? Don’t you care to know why I lay under you last night, cold as ice? Or are you surprised I am a sexual being too? You want to find me sexually attractive; I want to find you sexually attractive too. You want to be pleased; I want to be pleased too. I will give myself freely every time. Will you do the same?
No! You want to come back from hanging with your guys and have one minute sex with me. I’m not the only gender the Bible commands. You, too, are commanded: “Deprive not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and
prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:5).
3. Submit to me too: Yes, the Bible (Ephesians 5:22) says: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” This is probably one of the most misinterpreted verses of the Bible. Controlling Nigerian men keep quoting that verse when they want to justify forceful male domination and female servanthood. Here, Paul meant that everyone should be submissive, not just wives. This is the preceding verse: “Submit yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (Ephesians 5:21), that is, wives submit to husbands, and husbands submit to wives. But, Nigerian man, why does someone keep giving and the other just keeps receiving? Don’t you think that’s massively unfair? You want me to take your name and be Mrs Somebody . You want to watch soccer. I’ll let you. I also want to watch telemundo. But will you let me? You want me to cheer with you during your soccer games.
Are you also going to cheer with me when my favorite telemundo is on? Are you going tohold my hand and watch Mistresses with me? I agree; Yes, women are sometimes dependent upon men, but the fact is that men are equally dependent upon women. “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians
11:11). They are “heirs together to the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7). The Bible did not ever say:“Husbands, lord over your wives!” The mandate to everyone is that of humility. “All of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility: for God resists the proud, and gives grace to the humble” (1 Peter 5:5).
4. Brag about me. Share in my happiness and success: The Bible commands us to “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.” (Romans 12:15) Nigerian man, why are you sulking because I just got a promotion at my job? Why does my PhD degree intimidate you? Why do you want me to constantly live in your shadow? Why is
my bank account a mountain before you? Why do you want me to shrink myself to soothe your small ego?
5. Support me at every turn. Be there for me to love me unconditionally: This is God’s command for you as the man. God said, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” (Colossians 3:19). A woman needs help in the small things like changing diapers or doing laundry. But you find those things despicable, demeaning, and belittling. Why oh
why? You want me to be intuitive, instinctive, perceptive, and discerning when making decisions. But as your partner, why should I be careful so as not to bruise your ego? Do you know I have an ego too? Why should I walk on eggshells around your ego? Will you also walk on eggshells around mine?
6. Feed me. I am Hungry. I love food too: Can you perform wonders in the kitchen? Can you feed yourself let alone feed me? What is wrong with your own fingers? Do you have leprosy? Carpal Tunnel Syndrome? Is the kitchen too hot? Why can’t you cook? Was I bornwith cooking genes?
7. Finally, let peace reign!: you dread a nagging woman. I dread a controlling man too. Male domination is a curse. In Genesis 3:16-19 -- “To the woman, He said, I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth. In pain you will bring forth children; yet your desire will be for your
husband, and he will rule over you.” But in 2015, thank you Jesus, for I now have a voice.The curse has been lifted. Jesus lifted it. I have needs. I have successes. I have failures. O Nigerian man, I love and respect you. Respect me too. Love me. I am a woman, a powerful one at that.
Mary holds a Bachelor of Science in Information Systems and Business from an American university. She is an IT Analyst as well as a pathologic storyteller. She was born and raised in Kwara State, Nigeria, but has lived in the United States for the last seven years. Her articles and stories have been published on nigeriansinamerica.com and on thenewblackmagazine.com . She recently started blogging at nigerianchristianfeminist.blogspot.com